Category Archives: July 2007

Outta Here

From: [email protected]
Subject: GET ME OUT OF HERE

I am in philly, not by choice at all. It is a business trip. I have never been to philly before and now I never want to be again. the people, food, smell, traffic, people, people, and the people all fucking suck. I cannot believe that anyone would live here unless at gunpoint, and I don’t even know how long that would keep me here. FUCK PHILLY, thanks Tommy

ALL CAPS

From: [email protected]
Subject: (no subject)

PHILLY SUCKS EAGLES SUCKS GO GIANTS

McNabb Analysis

From: [email protected]
Subject: Great site.

I moved to South Jersey 45 miles outside Philly six
years ago. I have hated the entire city ever since.
Every year since I have moved here I have to hear
about how great everything they have is, in reality it
sucks. They have the bare minimum. Philly is the
asshole of America. Year in and out I hear the Eagles
are going to win the super bowl. Mcnabb is a great
QB…….in the regular season. Some reason in big
games, you know conference championships and
superbowls he sucks. So what good is he. Eagle fans
have him on the same tier as Brady and Manning. The
Eagles have 84 points in those five games with Macnabb
as the QB. That means the Eagles, to my amazement,
have amassed a total average of 16.8 points a game.
You Eagle fans were right, Mcnabb is great, he comes
up so big. I expect that from an athlete in Philly.
In all of these games Mcnabb’s Td’s to turnover ratio
is 1.4 to 1.6. That is not good, it gets worse, I did
not include his fumbles. He averaged 210.2 passing
yards a game, not a bad number. His completion
percentage is a different story. Over those five games
he completed 56.74% of his passes. In four of the five
games his rating was under 75.5. In one game, the win
vs. ATL, it was 111.1. His lowest against Carolina was
19.3. The other ratings were 73.1(STL), 58.5(TB), and
75.4(NE). So Philly fans continue to believe Macnabb
is great, the funny part is, he is only a small part
of the history of suckage in Philly. Mcnabb is nothing
compared to, oh I don’t know, let us say the 10,000th loss.

Needs More Curse Words

From: Youra Duchebag ([email protected])
Subject: (no subject)

How bout for you get Tony Homo’s cock outta ur mouth n Tiki’s outta ur ass

You are in no way shape or form a philly person you fucking douchebag .. you lack the intenstinal fortitude to be a real fan. Your balls just be ripped off an hung like old sneakers you moronic duchebag.

If i ever see you in person im gonna rip your mouth out ur asshole you horsefucking-dicksucking pussy….

This email is funny on so many levels. Bravo

Two Years Later, It Arrives

From: [email protected]
Subject: HAHAHAHA

McChoke blows another one. How does last place feel you Filthy fans?

Weird email here. Showed up in my gmail today as July 23rd, but the email itself says it is dated 11/15/05.

Philly does indeed suck

From: [email protected]
Subject: Philly does indeed suck

The city of Philadelphia does suck. I have actually visited Philly and the only things good about it are the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. All of the sports teams in Philly suck too, that is for sure.

There is some good news for Philly fans, though.

First of all, at least the Flyers have won two Stanley Cups. My hockey team, the Washington Capitals, have never won even one.

Second, the Phillies, although they have the most overall losses all-time and they took 97 years before they won a World Series, the Cubs have not won a World Series now for 98 years and counting.

Third, at least Philadelphia has all four major sports teams. My home city of Richmond, VA has trouble even supporting minor league teams in baseball and hockey.

Fourth and finally, the fact that Philly may end up first in homicides and be first in something is better than Richmond ending up second in the murders per 100,000 category in 1994 (160 murders, second to new Orleans). We can’t even be first in that category. Take heart. It could be much worse.

Walter
Richmond, VA

The Foolies

From: [email protected]
Subject: (nosubject)

Dear Philadelphia Foolies:

Congrats on your 10,000 degrees of absolute suckage! And before any of you start with the ” We’ve been in the League for such a long time” speech… let’s get a few things straight:

1. Contrary to popular belief, you are NOT the oldest team in baseball or any other sport. (not that your FANS would know anything about SPORTSMANSHIP) That honor belongs to none other than the Cincinnati Red Stockings who were formed in 1869. So let’s not try to play the longevity card.
2. Perhaps only in a place such as Foolieadelphia, would people celebrate suckiness. 10,000 losses is not anything to be proud of by any stretch of the imagination, but in a town with such a losing tradition, you have to celebrate anything that comes your way.
3. J. Rollins said in January 2007, that the Foolies were the team to beat. How prophetic! The foolies are the team to beat…TEN THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!! And all this happened in the league considered to be the weaker of the two leagues. AND, we all know that the eastern division is considered to be the weakest division in the National League.
4. The Foolies also prove the old adage, “we learn from our mistakes”. Even though Sparky Andersen spent one season as a Foolie, he turned out to be one of the winningest managers in baseball! I guess he learned what NOT to do during his one season in Foolieadelphia.

In closing, we thank you Fooliadelphia. Thanks for showing the rest of us what winning really means. Even the Chicago Cubs fans are laughing at you!